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Accepting Anxiety

Anxiety, including social anxiety, is a condition that is much like other conditions in some ways, and of those ways is that anxiety simply cannot be controlled, and neither can any other mental health condition (see ASN's Anxiety Must be Managed, not Controlled for more on this subject). Control is most often a perception, and for one to believe that he or she can control anxiety he or she experiences is for that person to set him or herself up for failure in anxiety recovery.

First, take a look at what control is. Control means that something happens when and how the person in question wants it to happen. So, for example, an experience of control is when a person would put on his or her boots. The boots are put on and tied because they cannot move by themselves and go on that person's feet, and neither are they able to resist that person's attempts at putting the boots on. Notice that the action happens exactly in the way the person taking the action desires.

Now, take that previous metaphor and apply it to trying to control anxiety. Any sufferer of any anxiety condition knows that he or she simply does not have an on or off switch that will force the anxiety to turn on or off when he or she desires. A person may learn certain techniques that help that anxiety to move away such as deep breathing, positive visualization, or replacement of automatic negative thoughts (see ASN's ANTS: Automatic Negative Thoughts for more information on these). However, these techniques do not always work when and how the person in question would like them to work. Further, there are times where these techniques simply do not work at all because the anxiety is simply too strong. People who try to control anxiety set themselves up for failure because they expect things to happen when and how they want them to when it comes to reducing anxiety, and then they are disappointed and see themselves as failures because they are unable to control their anxiety. Because they see themselves as failures who are not able to remain in control of themselves, they will experience increasingly intense anxiety as they anticipate another episode followed by another failure to control anxiety; anxiety can spin into a vicious downward circle indeed. As in life, people who try to remain in complete control rather than dealing with what is dealt to them will end up doing themselves more harm than good.

So if trying to control anxiety is not the solution, then what is the solution? The very broad and general solution is that of acceptance (see ASN's Accepting Anxiety for more on this) and letting go (see ASN's Letting Go for more on this). Very briefly, when a person decides to accept life as it is happening right now rather than trying to control anxiety, the anxiety, rather than increasing in intensity, will instead simply flow through the person, decrease, and then finish once it has run its course.

The main point of this article has been stated in no unclear terms: trying to control anxiety is like thinking away a broken leg. Thinking away a broken leg will simply not work, and neither will trying to control anxiety. Readers of this article will do wise to take heed to its advice.

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