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The Ultimate Guide to Ensuring Failure

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While the Anxiety Support Network's preference is to keep things positive, supportive, and moving in a forward direction, sometimes it is important to examine the steps that are taken which help to hold people back from progress. This blog post will be very negative, so if you are having a bad day, it might not be a bad idea to read something else and come back to this one when you might be able to handle it better. Without further delay, here is a list of some stellar methods you can use to ensure that you stay an anxious wreck.

  1. Blame others for the current state of your life. Blaming others is a technique used not just by anxiety sufferers, but by many miserable people in general. Rather than accepting their part and attempting to deal with it in a healthy way, many choose to blame other people. Someone might say,"The reason I am so anxious right now is because of the way I was raised as a child." A healthier view of this statement would be to think, "The way I was raised as a child is a large part of the reason I have an anxiety disorder. However, there are many different steps that I can take now to heal from anxiety, and while I may not have chosen this difficulty to be in my life, it is my responsibility to deal with it now." This statement acknowledges that you have some level of responsibility for getting better and will propel you to action (see Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: Blaming Others for more in-depth information on this trap).

  2. Engage in self-pity on a routine basis. Feeling sorry for yourself is a great way to immobilize yourself. When we are engaging in self-pity, life's problems have simply become too much for us to handle, and we feel downtrodden as a result. Self-pity alone is a great way to keep yourself stuck in a rut. A certain amount of self-pity is a normal thing to experience when life becomes rough. However, after a certain period of time, you simply have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and perhaps use sheer willpower to begin moving forward in life. Willpower will only last so long though, and then you will find yourself engaging in self-pity. But eventually, after engaging in this repetitive cycle of using willpower and falling back into self-pity, you will reach a breakthrough point where you begin to gain self-esteem and intrinsic motivation. Then you naturally want to go out and confront your anxiety and do things to get better every day.

  3. Maintain the status quo. Is what you are doing right now not working? Then keep doing it! Are you the type of person who watches two or more hours of TV per day? Do you never leave the house except to avoid starvation? Do you never call anyone, but only wait for people to call you? Using this passive approach to anxiety is a sure-fire method for making sure your anxiety stays at its current level or gets worse. A great way to work out of this trap is to have a plan for getting better from anxiety. What's a very basic plan that you could start today? Today, you could start exercising (if you do not want to go to the gym, go on a run in a quieter part of town), locating a counselor, journaling, and researching local anxiety group meetings. Figure out what mix it is that will work for you! Perhaps you would like to see a doctor and go on some medication – just be careful when you do (see One Good Reason to be Cautious of Anxiety Medication)! The point is that there is always some small step that you can take today to get better from anxiety, so start putting your mind to work and figuring out what it is!

  4. Play the role of the victim. You are quite convinced that you have one of the hardest lives possible. Some days you think, "Nobody has it this hard. I have nothing - no friends, no job, nowhere to go. All I do is sit around in this lonely apartment." This is playing the role of the victim and it is another great way to keep yourself stuck in life. Much like the other patterns of thinking, there is no responsibility taken for what can be done at this very moment; the focus is on the past and what has already happened. The fact is that everybody has struggles in their own lives, and if you get into social work like me, you will hear stories of people who have experienced unimaginable hardship. And, while our lives in the Western world can be difficult, imagine the lives of those in 3rd world countries. They have many of the same things happening plus an unstable government, starvation, inadequate health care (that's being put nicely), and no housing! While you do have difficulties, keep in mind that there are a lot of things you have which others will never have (see Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: The Victim for more about playing the victim)!

  5. Believe that you are too different from others. Believing that you are one of those people who just "does not belong" is another awesome way to ensure a life plagued by anxiety. If you choose to believe this, you will find yourself not even making attempts to fit in or to be yourself, which ensures no progress will occur. The counterevidence to this belief is to examine people with eccentric personalities such as Dennis Rodman (former NBA basketball player), Carrot Top (stand-up comedian), and Ru Paul (?). While these people are very different from most, they all found a certain place that fit them in life and you can too. So go ahead and give life a try - you never know what might happen (see Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: The Outcast for more in-depth information)!

  6. Refuse help when it is offered. "I can do it myself" is a phrase that most of us Americans have been indoctrinated with. While it is good to have a large amount of independence, eventually all people must come to the realization that they need the help of others. There is a heavy amount of stigma associated with accepting help from others in America, however, accepting help is one of the surest paths to success and leading a more enjoyable life. Do not let your pride get the best of you! If someone offers to help you by introducing you to a friend, giving you a ride, or giving you food, accept it and return the offer in kind fashion another time. You will be surprised by how much this can change your life (see Accepting Help and Supportive Friends for more on getting help from others).

  7. Focus on the problems of others. One of the surest signs of someone who is very miserable in their persona life is that friend who complains or insults everyone and everything he sees; we all have that friend. He may say things like, "I can't believe how stupid most people are!" or "I hate people who wear punk-rock clothes! They're so phony!" Whatever it is that he says, you can be guaranteed that it is going to be negative. Worst of all, this friend is often seen as very funny and his maladaptive attitude becomes very contagious for the people around him! If you are tempted to make fun of someone or something else, and especially if it is a pet habit of yours, take a moment to think and reflect as to why you think that it is so important to talk about. Are there problems or difficulties in your own life that you are afraid to look at? Is something - a relationship, job, or family member causing stress for you? Is there something else that just is not quite right at this point in your life? If you answer these questions honestly, more than likely you will find something. As you work through your own difficulties in life, you will slowly realize that your thoughts and attitudes about others are much more positive. People seem more friendly and less like they are out to get you. You also feel like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Do you still have negative thoughts about others on occasion? Of course! However, you do not dwell on these and most of the time, and you feel pretty good about people in general.

    There you have it – The Ultimate Guide to Ensuring Failure – and how to overcome each one of those failures! Are you ever going to be that perfect and ideal person who loves everyone at all times? Probably not, but you will be much more fun to be around and you will find yourself enjoying other people much more as well. For a great example of a very negative person, watch Keith Olbermann on TV or listen to Rush Limbaugh on talk radio – most of their discussion and interactions are very negative, and very rarely do you ever hear them say anything positive about anyone or anything. These individuals without a doubt have fairly miserable personal lives. Conversely, if you would like to see someone who is irresistibly positive, listen to Clark Howard on the radio or watch Caesar Millan work his magic on The Dog Whisperer. These two individuals have very enjoyable personal lives and are keeping all their personal issues in check. For what it is worth, any Rush Limbaugh/Keith Olbermann type can become a Clark Howard/Caesar Millan type! So, if you feel yourself stuck in life today, keep in mind that dramatic change in life can happen, but only if you commit to it! Now that you know many of the traps that can keep you stuck in life, you are that much more prepared to go out there and become a success! What are you reading this for? Stop reading and start doing!



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