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Should I Seek Individual Counseling?

"Counseling" is normally an incredibly terrifying word to people in Western society, and all the more so for people who suffer from social anxiety disorder, as it requires us to step outside of our comfort zone. We in the West, with the United States being the epitome, are taught to be very independent. Although it is okay to ask family for financial help or dad or mom for emotional help during times of stress, this is where asking others for help ends. Seeking any help beyond this leads other people to think, "What is wrong with that person?" After all, it seems as though most people, including everyone we know, live their lives independently and are able to solve all their own problems.

However, as noted in the past (see ASN's Why Counseling and The Benefits of Counseling for more information about individual counseling), individual counseling is actually incredibly beneficial, and is a wise choice in most cases. Past articles, however, have not helped people to understand under what circumstances they should seek counseling. Many people become accustomed to incredibly chaotic lifestyles, and problems that would normally be very obvious to most people, are the routine and are no cause for alarm for some people. For example, someone's spouse may engage in multiple affairs, and the other spouse may excuse this behavior by saying, "Well, my spouse just likes sex. After all, we are humans." For most of us, this would raise red flags immediately, but for some people, this is just another thing that happens.

For sufferers of social anxiety disorder, social anxiety is just another thing that happens. A person may never go out, be terrified to order food in the lunch line, have no friends, have no significant other, and be 39 years old! People who are affected by social anxiety disorder to this level typically have come to believe that this is the way life must be for them. After all, it's all they have ever known, and other stories of people who like this abound, so therefore, it seems that a certain number of people are simply destined to live their lives this way. Then, somebody who does not suffer from social anxiety disorder might say, "That's unfortunate that person lives such an isolated life. I know it is possible to change your life dramatically, and I hope this person can figure out how to do just that."

The first thing to acknowledge about individual counseling is that, while society frowns upon people who accept help, it is perfectly okay and in fact incredibly beneficial to accept help from others (see ASN'sAccepting Help for more in-depth info on this). Very often, social anxiety disorder does not run in the family, and as such, a person's family members may not be the best place to find help because they simply lack the understanding necessary to help someone with social anxiety disorder.

So, what are some specific rules to follow that may help you decide whether or not it is a good idea to go to individual counseling? To create a comprehensive list of rules is incredibly difficult, but here are some signs that it would be wise to find individual counseling:

  • Your anxiety level bothers you; things simply do not feel quite "right."
  • Your anxiety level interferes with the normally expected responsibilities of your various roles at home, school, work, or any other place you go regularly.
  • You have trouble sleeping because you are anxious about certain people or situations.
  • You avoid certain situations that most people find routine.
  • You experience some level of panic, maybe not a panic attack, but intense anxiety such as your heart pounding, tension, and sweating around people or situations that are fairly routine experiences.
  • The anxiety continues to bother you despite the fact that you know there is no good reason to be anxious; efforts that you have taken to reduce your anxiety have not relieved the anxiety.
  • You feel as though something dangerous is always going to happen, or that the worst possible outcome for any situation is the most likely outcome.

This list is by no means comprehensive; there may be other reasons or disruptions in your life that may cause you to consider individual counseling. The guiding rule that anyone should follow when considering counseling is that if something is bothering you, or does not seem quite right, then seek individual counseling. At the very worst, all a counselor can say is, "After taking a look at this distress with you, I have found that you are completely normal. If things get worse in the future, please come back. However, we both agree that you are able to handle these problems on your own until then." Counselors are not here to make you feel bad about yourself; they are more than happy to help, and very rarely does anyone who thinks something is wrong end up finding that in fact nothing is wrong.

An additional reason to seek individual counseling is that very often we find that things we believed were not problems, or thinks we were unaware of, were in fact causing a great deal of stress in our lives. Some people suffer from depression and fail to realize it until its gone (this actually happened to me).

The other point about individual counseling is that it will help you to gain understanding and learn a plan for managing your anxiety and other challenges. In a matter of a few counseling sessions, you can learn the same amount that it may take you years to learn on your own. In terms of personal growth and creating happiness in your own life, counseling is like removing a propeller from an airplane and replacing it with a jet engine. Individual counseling can take a bad life and turn it into an awesome in a very short amount of time; it can also take a good life and turn it into a great one!

If you are not sure whether individual counseling is the right solution for you, then the answer is an emphatic, "Yes!" At the very worst, counseling can do no harm, and at the very best, it can completely turn around your life and make it into a great life! There are very few things which offer so much reward for so little risk. So, with all this in mind, get out there and start improving your life beginning today!

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