How to Beat Shyness

Hi everyone, I am very excited to bring you a guest article written by Paul Dooley, author of anxietyguru.net, one of few other anxiety blogs. Paul has an excellent series of podcasts and regularly written blog articles. Paul and I have chosen to exchange guest posts - I am sure that you will find his informative and interesting.

Being shy comes natural to a big chunk of the population and it’s particularly bad in people with social phobia. In a way, you could even say that social phobia is a “shyness disorder.”

But just because you have social phobia doesn’t mean you have to stay locked in your house. In fact, in order to beat crippling shyness, you have to do the opposite of what comes natural to you.

So, what comes natural to a social phobic? For starters, anything fun. That includes parties, restaurants, bars, nightclubs, movie theaters, even the circus. Actually, the venue usually isn’t the problem – it’s all the people inside of the venue that makes you sweat, shake, and lose your ability to speak.

In order to beat shyness and be more social you have to go to the places that make you uncomfortable. Places that make you squirm in your chair and cause you to destroy napkins and other hand toys.

To overcome shyness you have to expose yourself to other people repeatedly. The reason why is because every time you avoid people, places, and situations that cause anxiety you are, in fact, making that anxiety – and associated fear – stronger.

Every time you do something because of anxiety, that act reinforces all the negativity that you’ve tied to certain people or places. Thus, your actions determine how you think and feel about, well, everything.

Of course, this won’t be easy. It will take time and some amount of courage on your part. But think about the alternative. No movie theaters? No restaurants? Seriously?

Life is much too short to allow shyness to rob you of fun and enjoyment. Take it from me, a person that used to be afraid to pick up his own phone, this can be done. I’ve lived with chronic anxiety for over ten years, and after all that time the most important lesson I’ve learned is that if you let anxiety control you, nothing will ever change. If you really want social phobia to stop crippling your life, then you have to take action.

First, you can start small and go to places that cause nervousness for just a few minutes. Then, you can turn it up a notch and go for an hour, then two, and so on. Eventually, you’ll build up a tolerance, and more importantly, a certain confidence that will make visiting places that scare you right now much easier.

You can do this with a trusted friend, or if you need a lot of support a group of friends. Whatever it takes, as long as you go.

The important thing is to not reinforce your anxiety and fear by being so impressed by them. It takes some time, but you can beat shyness.

Paul Dooley

Anxietyguru.net

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