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Every Social Anxiety Sufferer has a Role

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Hello fellow social anxiety sufferers. I have been doing some more thinking recently and have found some more encouraging news to share with all of you. Near the time that I first started the Anxiety Support Network in January 2009, I wrote an article entitled Even Gandhi was Anxious, and did so in order to demonstrate that everyone has struggles in their own lives that must be overcome. In particular, the struggles for those that are socially anxious seem to last later into early adulthood. In Gandhi's case for example, he was still so shy that he was unable to speak in front of judges as a lawyer in his early thirties!

What I have realized since writing that article is that not only do social anxiety-sufferers have certain struggles that they must overcome, they also have particular roles in society. Everyone, I believe, has some sort of useful role that they can perform for society that is also enjoyable and fulfilling. Unfortunately, the difficulty for social anxiety sufferers is that we have so much experience with failure in childhood and adolescence, that by the time we are young adults in our early twenties, we believe that there really is no role for us. Often, we see our friends and family doing with ease things that seem nearly impossible for us to do. Another barrier is that American society tends to reward those who are aggressive and strongly independent, or those who are willing to step on others in order to get what they can for themselves.

The good news, however, is that the part of society which rewards that kind of behavior is only part of society. Personally, I always had a difficult time in mainstream society. Although unable to put my finger on it at the time, I now realize that college was all about the "self," - learning how to make money to buy more things to please myself. I had to do the best in class to get the best job so I could get the best car and the biggest house and all the latest technological gadgets. I had to date the hottest girl to impress the guys so that I looked the best and the most powerful. The goal was always focused on me and getting what I can. Then, after colleges had me trained to do the best for myself, I would have to get a job at a corporation where I am exploited for ungodly amounts of hours per week, receiving just enough income to get the best things so that I do not quit my job. Have you noticed the irritating number of times that the word I was used in this paragraph? Mainstream American society teaches us the whole world is all about us and pleasing ourselves, and when working briefly in corporate America, it became clear that it was more important to me to enjoy my work than to work for material goods that would only please me for a short time. Most people, it seemed, were in it for themselves and trying to get power over the next guy in order to get more for themselves.

Once I realized that work was more about enjoying what you do than getting what one can, that drastically altered my perspective on life. My attitude towards other people and society in general, as you might expect, was resentful, negative, and difficult to be around. After going back to school for social work, I learned that without a doubt helping people was what motivated me and made me happy. It was not fun to be competing and constantly working to undermine my competitors all day - I wanted to help people. Now, my attitude towards others and life in general is so much more positive. It is easier to get up for work each and every day, and many days I even look forward to going to work - something that was unimaginable in the past. The skills that I had - creativity, independent judgment, and compassion were now looked well upon by others, rather than the contempt given by corporate America. Of course, social work is not a perfect profession either. Within the profession, there are plenty of nasty and self-driven people who are not afraid to step on others in order to get what they can. And, not all jobs reward creativity, independent judgment, and compassion. But, there are many jobs that do, and for now at least, I have found a niche in the job market where I fit.

But, do not think of social work as the only profession where socially anxious people can possibly fit. I have a friend with social anxiety who works in customer service, and he says that he can do it because he was so used to having to take people's crap in the past. This probably is not the most encouraging way of showing that people with social anxiety can be successful in different jobs, but it does go to show that people with social anxiety can function in different jobs. He has also related that many of the people that he works with are nice as well, so despite my negative experience in corporate America, there are plenty of situations where people are nice. Another friend I have who has social anxiety is a work-from-home salesman with a large company. He does well at it, and the really interesting part is that he says that the social anxiety works in him such that he is able to talk to people, but he has a difficult time divulging any personal details and therefore has a hard time creating relationships. But, nonetheless, I know that there is no way I could be a salesman, and it is impressive to see someone else with social anxiety do it effectively.

Another important lesson that I have learned is that while my skill set is different from that of the typical mainstream business student, it is not necessarily useless. When one pictures the ideal businessman, one typically envisions someone who is very outgoing, aggressive, risk-taking, and commanding. My personality, like many of the socially anxious, tends to be reserved, passive, and compassionate. One of my personal goals is to become an entrepreneur, and in the past I have feared that since I do not meet the typical prototype of a businessman, that therefore there is no way I could succeed as an entrepreneur. Interestingly, there are a lot of strengths to a more reserved decision-making style. Some of my strengths include being creative (colleges and corporate America do not reward this, but more often reward following procedure and efficiency), thinking things through (typically, an entry-level salesman is more focused on the talk and relationship with the customer), and risk-taking (colleges and corporate America, like most people, resist change even if convincing reasons to take a risk exist). So, while I may not fit the prototype business owner or CEO, my strengths could easily be used effectively in such a position, but it happens that most people have been conditioned to think otherwise. Some business do have leaders with social anxiety disorder, but it takes the right people working together in the right place and at the right time to hire someone with a non-traditional skill set.

But, this is enough about me and my experiences. The point to draw from all of this is that social-anxiety sufferers all have some place in society. Often, it seems that the problem is we lack the self-esteem to actually go out and find that place. Instead, we may choose to give in to pressure from well-meaning family or friends, or we might see what everyone else is doing and do that. The question you should ask yourself after reading this article is, "What would I do if I really did what I wanted to do and money were no object?" This is, of course, a tough question to ask, and it may take some years to actually find the answer. However, it is important that you take one step today in the direction of that goal, and when you actually reach that goal, there will be no other feeling like it!



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