Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: The Outcast

Everybody who is alive has some sort of dysfunctional role that they are prone to play as a person. Those who suffer from social anxiety and anxiety in general have their own dysfunctional roles that they play (see also ASN’s Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: Blaming Others and Dysfunctional Roles of the Anxiety Sufferer: The Victim for more information on other roles anxiety sufferers might play). What makes these roles dysfunctional is that they add to a person’s emotional suffering and general level of stress in life, and they impede the personal and mental growth of a particular person.

Besides playing the role of the victim or the role of blaming others, those with social anxiety can be tempted to believe that they are outcasts. Surely, it seems to them, nobody is as socially inept, strange, or awkward as they are. As such, they are doomed to live a lonely and isolated existence. As long as the anxiety sufferer acts in line with these beliefs, he or she surely is doomed to a lonely and isolated existence.

In order to grow past this anxiety, it is necessary for one who believes him or her self to be an outcast to challenge this notion. Perhaps, instead of being a social outcast, there is more to life and maybe there is in fact a valuable contribution for them to make. Very often, people who believe themselves to be outcasts do so because of prior experiences in childhood and adulthood, but particularly childhood, that communicated to them that they were worthy of being outcasts. Did mom or dad ever praise or encourage them for any of their talents, or were they put down for not being able to do what mom or dad did so well? People, including sons and daughters, can be very different from those to whom they are closely related; there is nothing wrong with that, although the parents sometimes believe there to be. From this early message being communicated that they were in fact outcasts, those who believe they still are outcasts have learned how to be excellent outcasts. They never try new things or any way of breaking outside the bubble that keeps them as an outcast.

So what is the solution for those that are outcasts? The previous paragraph hinted at it, and very clearly the solution is to challenge that belief and shift one’s focus from what makes him or her different to what makes him or her like others and valuable to them. The trick here is not to completely abandon all of one’s ways, methods, and hobbies in favor of a completely new self; retaining some of that old self is very healthy, but at the same time this must be balanced with attempting to incorporate some new things into one’s life. The best place to start is to try what one always found interesting or fun, but which one never actually tried. If one is unable to remember of think of anything that seems fun, it is necessary for one to try random things that have even the slightest hint of being fun. Try building model airplanes, mentoring at-risk teenagers, or running, for example. If one has fun, continue the activity, and if one does not have fun, continue to do the activity a couple more times just to see if it does not become fun pretty soon; if after a few tries the hobby or activity continues to be dull and disinteresting, quit the activity and start trying other things.

The important thing for outcasts to remember is that no matter how different they feel that they might be from everyone else, there is no person on this earth that is so different that they must be alone. No matter how unusual the interest or the life of a person, he or she will discover other like-minded people who enjoy the same interest or lifestyle. A person who is an outcast is only so because he or she has mentally chosen to make him or her self that way. With this in mind, it is important for those who have tendencies toward this belief to keep in mind the tips given by this article, and when things become really hard, it is always very helpful to ask a trusted friend or family member to note what strengths the one who believes him or her self to be an outcast has.

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